Listening
by Divergent338
Summary: AU: Kensi recovers from her PTSD from the White Ghost mission after meeting an LAPD Detective struggling with his undercover lifestyle.
1. Chapter 1

It was easily the most fucked up relationship of her life, if Kensi Blye could even call it that. She hardly knew his last name, only knew his first because it was what she screamed into the nights when he brought her to heights of passion she'd never truly reached before.

It was coincidence that brought her to that café at two in the morning, desperate to escape her waking nightmares after yet another night insomnia; painful realizations and heartbreaking truths making sleep an impossibility.

The comfort of doughnuts and caffeine called her to the café, the man with shaggy blonde hair and a smile filled with a sadness that only reminded her of the the pain aching in her chest that made her linger, staring at the man for far longer than what was considered polite acknowledgement. It was his smile when he noticed her intense gaze, a real one with a flash of white teeth and a warmth that light up his surprisingly attractive features that made her return for a second time, just the next night when the fear of nightmares and the simple, false promise of seeing that smile again called her back to the twenty-four hour café.

...

 _"And you are?" A voice came from behind her, a drawl that might have irritated her some time ago, but now made her skin hum as she turned around, bracing herself against the counter._

 _"Could ask you the same thing. You stalking me, Shaggy boy?"_

 _He huffed a laugh then, scratching nervously at the mop of blonde curls on his head. "Not quite, I'm, uh. I'm Marty."_

 _"Hmm." Kensi nodded, lifting her eyebrows slightly. "Nice to meet you, Marty. I think."_

 _In response his eyebrows flew up and his nose scrunched up in way Kensi didn't dare think was adorable. "You're not-"_

 _"Orders up." The bored voice of the young girl behind the counter cut off his impending words as she slide two coffees and a surprisingly large plate of chocolate frosted doughnuts towards them._

 _"Looks like I ordered too many." Deeks said a small smirk. "You wanna help me take care of that?"_

 _Rolling her eyes, she plucked the paper cup of coffee from the counter, holding it gently in both palms. "Why not?"_

 _His answering grin made something deep inside her swell, flooding her with warmth that pushed at her barriers, threatening to overcome her usual pain caused by the horrors of her job and loneliness of her life, if just for a moment._

 _"I'm-" She hesitated, biting her bottom lip lightly. "I'm Kensi."_

 _"Kensi." He repeated slowly, resting the chocolate covered treats on a table near them. "So doughnuts are the way to your secrets huh?"_

 _She shrugged. "I guess."_

 _"Guess I'll just have to keep buying them for them for you."_

...

She wasn't sure when their midnight conversations and small confessions that they'd never told anyone else led to his mouth covering hers, pressing her to the back of his apartment door as she whimpered, stroking the small of his back under his shirt; it was a hazy pathway that was damn sure, but she never spent the night, never dared to cuddle up to his side or even let him inside her own place, terrified of roots that could be torn away.

So she'd run, struggle out of his attempted embraces late in the night and dress quickly, desperate to leave before he woke with saddened, deep blue eyes and his lips pressed into a think line.

Only to see him again the next night, sitting at what was quickly becoming their table with a double order of chocolate doughnuts and coffee exactly the way she liked it.

...

 _"Why do you care?" She murmured one night when her appetite failed her, staring across the table to the man who'd somehow become her confidant and best friend in just a month's time, lessening her pain and making it easier for her to smile her coworkers who just stopped by, eager to know if she was ready to return to work after her botched mission in Afghanistan._

 _Marty sighed, too deeply invested to give her a simple, joking answer, too worried about her, them to ignore the question._

 _"Why do you? Screwed up Detective moaning and whining about how he can't handle deep covers anymore."_

 _"Marty, I-"_

 _"We listen, right?" He interrupted. "That's what we do."_

 _Nodding, she brushed a stray tear from the corner of her eye. "Thank you. For that."_

 _His hand made its way across the table, snatching up her own and squeezing her fingers tightly. "I care, Kensi."_

 _She nodded again, acknowledging his words and letting him intertwine their fingers on the table's surface._

 _That night she stayed, dressing early in the morning, but letting him make her breakfast, petting the scruffy mutt he affectionately introduced as Monty._

 _..._

"I'm sorry," he whispered, late on a Tuesday night, his chest pressed firmly to her naked back and his finger stroking the soft skin of her abdomen.

Focusing her eyes on the Sig resting on his nightstand, Kensi sighed, holding his fingers still; she'd returned to Ops days ago, but the insomnia still lingered, only he did too.

"For?"

"I don't know." He shrugged awkwardly against her, drawing her closer. "I lov-"

She turned swiftly, molding her lips to his before he could complete the sentence, before it became real.

Still he forced her back, his eyes insistent. "I love you, Kensi."

She stiffened against him, concentrating on the beat of his heart against her chest and the snuffling of Monty at the foot of the bed rather than his words, rather than the fact that every instinct in her body should be screaming at her to run, but instead all she wanted to nestle herself further into him, anything to escape reality, though a reality filled with him seemed to make something inside of her work better, be stronger.

Nuzzling her face deep into the crook of his neck, Kensi sighed, breathing him in deeply. "Okay."


	2. Chapter 2

**So after a few requests I wrote another chapter for this little AU, hope you like it and please read the author's note at the bottom.**

* * *

His touch had come to ease her, the simple brush of his lips on her neck or the slight pressure of his fingers on her hips soothing her, forcing her to let go of past tension and surrender to the comfort of Marty Deeks, a man who wasn't on her radar just months ago, but had somehow become the one person she couldn't imagine her life without.

He thrilled her even through the blanket of contentment and easiness he brought her, making her skin hum and flashes of lightning burst through her body until she couldn't think, couldn't focus on anything but _him_ ; the smell of his hair, taste of his skin, the overwhelming sensations he gave her.

 _Damn him._

Damn him for taking over her life, killing her resolve to stay alone, to manage by herself with just a few touches, just a few words, glances with those gorgeous blue eyes that seemed to pierce her very soul. Damn him for making her need this, need _him._

Waking up with her back pressed to his chest, his arms wrapped so tightly around her she couldn't escape even if she wanted to; watching him navigate her kitchen to make her breakfast while she perched on the counter with his dog curled at her feet had slowly become regular, simple, her normal; it was something she couldn't _live_ without.

Despite it all, desperate his cocky words and playful smirks she knew it was the same for him, knew that he watched her long after he assumed she'd drifted off, holding her closer and stroking his thumb over her cheek, whispering tiny, silky promises that made her shiver deep down, terrified to imagine a future with this beautifully damaged man who loved her, who had _saved_ her. But somehow just as terrified not to, terrified to wake only to discover that the past few months had been a dream, that she was still stuck in that cave, that fire creating shadows on the stone walls; she was terrified to discover that Marty Deeks wasn't even real.

"Kens.." Her nickname was a faint growl by her ear as she turned in his arms, bracing her palms on his chest, the honesty in his eyes sending a bolt of fear straight to her toes, yet exhilarating her in way that he only could, she realized.

"You have to -" He hesitated, the words clearly sticking in his throat as he managed a smile, tucking a loose curl behind her ear and leaning forward to replace the hair with his lips, letting his mouth play over her jaw lightly. "Are you okay?"

She huffed a breath, letting a breathy moan out with the air as her finger dug into his forearm, holding him closer, _needing_ him to be as close as possible. "I am, Marty," she whispered and the first time in years the words were true.

Maybe she didn't truly _need_ him, her years spent by herself, needing only herself could prove that, prove her capability. But she _wanted_ him there, was willing to completely surrender herself to him and deal with the potential consequences, though the consequences, the consequences she'd faced for loving in the past, the possibility of facing that again, that pure agony; _that_ rocked her to her very core.

"Kensi," he mumbled softly, almost as if the simple utterance of her name could solve everything, could save them from everything. "I love you ," he whispered like he had so many times, kissing her forehead and pulling her flush against him, wrapping an arm around her bare waist and stroking her back until she fell asleep nestled against him, cheek pressed to his chest.

...

He woke her with a soft, full kiss to her shoulder and a soft murmur, ignoring the little grunts she gave before she let him rouse her, pushing herself up in tangle of sheets and pillows that she propped herself against, staring at her bare chested boyfriend with sleepy mismatched eyes and crossed arms over drawn up knees.

"Why am I up now, Marty?" She whined, yawning as he crept back into bed beside her, leaving a plate laden with breakfast on her nightstand. "It's _Saturday."_

"I know." He smirked, pulling the fluffy comforter up around them and tilting his head to kiss her temple softly. "But we have plans."

She groaned then, letting her head flop onto his shoulder and ignoring the bubble of warmth that arose inside of her at his gentle tone. "My plans are to sleep, unlike you, Mr. In Between Assignments, I had to work all week."

"As did I, just, you know, from behind a desk."

Kensi huffed, pulling the plate he'd brought back into the bedroom with him onto her lap and lifting a spoonful of scrambled eggs to her mouth. "What are _your_ plans?"

Chuckling, Marty planted a second kiss to her temple, squeezing at her shoulders. "I'm taking you surfing, Princess. Can't be a real California girl until you've tried it. Waves are supposed to be fantastic this morning."

Holding back a laugh, Kensi tipped her forehead onto his shoulder, clasping his thigh tightly and dropping the spoon back onto the plate. "You are _such_ a California boy."

"Yeah." He shrugged, his arm sliding from her shoulders to her waist, holding her securely against him. "But _you_ love me."

Holding her breath and letting her smile appear easily, Kensi lifted her head, kissing him lightly and smirking when his hand immediately cradled her cheek to bring her closer. "I do."

"Okay then." He pulled back, resting his forehead against hers. "Come out with me. I promise you won't drown."

He flashed her his most charming grin before moving from her bed, leaving her breathless with a plate of eggs, toast, and bacon. It was too late, she decided. She was already drowning, only she didn't want to saved, only plunged deeper, trusting him to catch her if she couldn't catch her breath.

 **I'm marking this as complete again, but I'm not ruling out anymore chapters. Do you want anymore? If you do I'd love to hear about it in a pm or review. That being said, I'd love a review! And thanks for reading!**


End file.
